Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
