i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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