hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
