why do cheetos always look like penises
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
