Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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