Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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