omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
