my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
