you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
