jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
