OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
