last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
