Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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