Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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