dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
