Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
