Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
