gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
