Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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