You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
