yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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