I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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