omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
