She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
