Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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