Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
