I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
