Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
