So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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