I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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