I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My ATM looks so different sober.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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