Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
