My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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