In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
