I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
