I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
