im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
