Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
