ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
