Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
