This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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