i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
