This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
