I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
