Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
