I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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