How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
