Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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