in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
