I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
