There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
